You know how you can hear something a hundred times in a hundred different ways before it finally gets through to you? The ten truths listed below fall firmly into that category – life
Aug 4 2017 Toxic Believing Can Drain Your Happiness
Let me share a quick story and give you something important to think about...
“This afternoon I found out I had been accepted to the university of my choice with a full track and field scholarship. Despite everything my alcoholic mother and her abusive husband put me through over the years – the hungry, sleepless nights I spent in tears due to their relentless negativity – it didn't ruin me. With your coaching and guidance, I’ve worked hard to get out of this mess once and for all, and it’s finally paying off.”
That’s the opening paragraph of an email we received back in March from Monica, a course student of ours (she gave me permission to share this with you today). Her email then goes on to say that she has forgiven her mom and stepfather, but also knows being on her own and taking this next step is a priceless gift. “Honestly, for far too long the people in my life had me convinced that I wasn’t good enough,” she says. “And I have no grudges, but I’m so happy I’m able to prove to myself that they were wrong about me all along.”
Monica’s email made me pause, reflect and smile, for obvious reasons.
And although Monica’s circumstances are unique to her, I bet you can relate on some level. I know I can. Sometimes the pressure and dysfunction coming from family, peers, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside. If we do things differently, we’re looked down upon. If we dream big, we’re ridiculed. Or if we don’t have the ‘right’ job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or time frame, we’re somehow made to feel like we’re not good enough.
Monica’s story truly is a perfect reminder for all of us too, even though she’s only 18, because the self-limiting beliefs that get instilled in our minds often arrive at an early age.
Maybe we got cut from a sports team as a child and thus determined “I’m not athletic enough to be fit and good at sports.” Or a college boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with us out of the blue and then immediately starts dating someone else, and so we feel unwanted and unattractive ... for way too long.
For whatever reason, we encounter seemingly insignificant rejections that drastically alter our mindset for years to come. It happens something like this:
1. We hear we’re bad at something, or we have a bad experience with something.
2. We avoid trying again for a prolonged period of time, because we want to avoid the potential of more pain and disappointment.
3. When we do try again, we try half-heartedly, so we can point to that and say, “See? Just as I predicted – it didn’t work out.”
4. We never improve in this area of our lives, because we never commit to doing so.
5. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and we’re left feeling ‘not good enough’ every day thereafter.
Does that sound at all familiar?
If so, it’s time to break yourself out of this cycle!
By proving to yourself that your belief is toxic and WRONG...
I want you to think about ONE toxic belief you have. It can be about any part of your life you hope to change – your health, your weight, your career, your relationships – anything at all. What’s one thing you’ve essentially decided is a fact about your place on Earth?
And then I want you to immediately shift gears and think about ONE time, one fleeting moment, in which the opposite of that ‘fact’ was true for you. I don’t care how tiny of a victory it was, or even if it was a partial victory. What’s one moment in time you can look back on and say, “Hey, that was totally unlike me – but I did it!”?
- Ran a 5K for charity
- Lost weight and kept it off
- Was the life of the party
- Stood up for yourself
- Felt loved
- Learned a new skill
Once you identify the cracks in the wall of a self-limiting, toxic belief, you can start attacking it. You can start taking steps forward every day that go against it – tiny victories, more confidence, gradual momentum, bigger victories, even more confidence, and so on.
Until your thoughts and reality change for good.
And of course, if you're struggling with any of this, know that you are not alone.
Source and courtesy marcandangel.com
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